The Audacity!
Recently, in the news, apart from stuff about chin implants there’s been a lot of talk about this fainting thing that young people do to get their kicks. I can’t legally tell you how it’s done, but I can say that it involves cutting off the air supply to your brain and then dropping to the ground. What fun! Only it sometimes kills people. Personally speaking I can see what they are trying to do, but you know what? Proper fake fainting is much more fun and a hell of a lot safer. I did it all the time as a child, and recently, in the supermarket queue after a bad day at work I suddenly thought Wouldn’t it be fun to do it again–See how people react!?
And there it was: a challenge. I had dared myself. I could not back down for I had never been a backer-downer and didn’t intend to start now!
I prepared myself: this comprised of looking left and right and making sure I wouldn’t hit anyone when I collapsed. I even checked for small dogs. That was how rigorous I was being.
Then I shut my eyes and committed. I dropped like a sack of spuds to the ground.
Ten minutes later I awoke. According to the woman next to me I had banged my head and actually knocked myself out. Brilliant. So effective and I hadn’t even been trying!
That was when I looked up and saw the ambulance men. They were coming for me!
Only they weren’t, no! There was a man at the front of the queue and he had had the audacity to have a heart attack just at the same time as I fainted!
Damn it, I thought, what luck!
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